Joe Low, our neighbor in Buffalo in the 1970s, owned several apartment buildings. A licensed plumber, Joe took care of most repairs himself. Joe, pretended to just be the super, a role which allowed him to create covert psychodramas.

One time, Joe took me with him to collect rent from a tenant. On the way, I think he tested me by driving slowly while nodding off at the wheel and drifting right straight at parked cars with his eyes half-closed; apparently in order to observe my reaction. I just sat there smiling: I knew that Joe knew what he was doing. 

I was standing behind him. He handed me his briefcase and rang her bell. The woman came to the door, and even though Joe normally collected the rent; when she saw me holding the briefcase, without a word she reached past Joe to hand me (a complete stranger) the check. Joe did a lot of antics like that, never explaining anything. I think he wanted to show me how little it took to transfer the rightful authority of a Black man to a white-identified, total stranger.

One day, Joe got arrested on some minor infraction. My then wife, Carol, and I got a ride with a friend to bail Joe out. He was not in the downtown lockup, but in one of the outlying towns. After paying the bail, we waited in a room where there were a couple of guards. Joe was released in that room, and we went to the car. 

The first thing that Joe said when he got in the car was: “Crazy old N____r.”  Later, Carol’s explanation was that he was articulating the disrespect he had experienced, while in jail, from the guards. All the way home, Joe endlessly repeated: “I am a Negro. . . Not a N____r!”  obsessively.  

Joe, of course did not say, ” N_____r,” but rather he said the actual word.  Not that long ago, writing about this incident, I would have spelled out the word, reasoning that I am simply giving an account of events, not using the “N” word pejoratively. It does detract from the impact of certain stories not to spell out or actually say this word, but I think it is more important not to signal in any way to other people that it might be OK to say that word.  .  

Steven K-Brooks