orchestral wisdom

Everyone said it was a good thing that this happened to Mr. Klein, the Bayside High orchestra teacher; and not to our band teacher, Mr. Leuschner. 

“Leuschner woulda yelled back: ‘Shut Up Ya Dope, Ya!’” said Steven Nahmias,  then the class wit, now a retired systems efficiency auditor. 

This incident took place early, with the theater lights still on. Mr. Klein was standing in front of the orchestra with his dignified back to the audience while the musicians tuned up — you know the sound, and perhaps the feeling of that moment.

Suddenly*, a man sitting a few rows back in the center orchestra section loudly shouted: 

“START THE CONCERT ALREADY!” 

Calmly, Mr. Klein turned around and, in a soft voice,  disassembled the gentleman in a manner so refined and so incisive that it was like watching a chef masterfully slice the meat off of a chicken’s carcass until that man must have felt so humiliated that he might have gone home and committed suicide that very same evening, for all we know.

The one thing that I most remember Mr. Klein for, though, is for his performance advice:

“It is better to leave them saying: ‘I wish the concert had gone on longer,” than for your audience to be wishing it would be over already.’”

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*Conventional writing wisdom notwithstanding, it is OK to use “Suddenly” in a story.